literature

The Nation of Mystery Chapter 2

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The Galley known as the Swift Maiden swifty cut through the waves of the Great Sea. Its three massive sails billowing with the southern winds that took it back to New Trisos. It was was the flagship of the Madrilian Fleet stationed in Pinowa, so it only made sense for General Diego Legazpi to use it as his unofficial command center on the return trip from the island of Aterb.

He hunched down on his desk, frowning deeply as he started to write down his reports of the recent campaign. He didn't bother glancing up from the paper as the other pens and papers started to slide off his desk. Instead he only reached out only to grab the bottle of ink which nearly tipped over as the ship tilted from the waves and placed it on them as a paper weight

He wrinkled his face in annoyance as he wiped sweat from his bros and continued to work on his reports. Diego sighed and rubbed his eye together. Each word that came out from his pen fanned the frustration burning inside of him. Judging by the loud thuds of mugs hitting the wooden tables below, his troops felt the same way. From the moment his army had left the port of Santarca, the largest city in Aterb to the rest of the trip back to Pinowa, his soldiers had their attention focused solely on their cups.

And who was to blame them, their entire deployment was one colossal waste. One of the empires most valuable colonies lost with barely even a fight. And now his army, sixteen thousand men made up of a combination of Pinowan civil army, auxiliary regiments and the remnants of the Aterb garrison could only return to Pinowa and Diego to give reports of this debacle.

He focused his attention back to the task at hand, careful to maintain his penmanship even as the ship rocked back and forth. Eventually he finished writing the document and placed it on top of a pile of similar ones.

Until the boat tilted again and sent the papers scattering onto the floor. "Shit!" He wanted to shout as rose from his chair to begin collecting them when something at the bottom of the stack caught his attention. The sunlight gleamed off it to give the badge a metallic sheen.

He slowly moved the few papers that remained in their place and pulled out the badge with three silver stars on it. "Sir, we're approaching Vincia Bay." A knock followed by the voice of one of his soldiers called out.

"Yes, private." He replied as he looked away from the badge. "Can you call Lieutenant Ramos. Tell him to come here."

"Yes, sir." The soldier replied and the sound of boots walking away soon became audible.

The General sighed and bent down to begin picking up the fallen documents. He didn't even hear the office door open and shut. "General." Juanito Ramos said as he walked over to Diego and kneeled down to help him pick up the fallen documents. He wore the standard white Madrilian uniform, though instead of a pillbox hat, he wore a wide-brimmed hat of straw called a Salakot which marked him as a Pinowan auxiliary soldier.

He could hardly be considered a handsome man, he a rough and weathered face with coarse skin and a short mustache that moved along the lines of his lips. His ebony hair was in a military buzzcut and made his head look like a brick.

Diego rose to his feet once the last of the papers were in Juanito’s hands. He handed those over to him and finished with a salute as the General. Diego placed them back into the pile and made sure that they wouldn’t fall over again before turning his attention to the Liuetenant. "You wished to see me, sir?" He said.

"Indeed, have a seat Lieutenant, make yourself comfortable." The Pinowan removed his Salakot and let the chord that acted as a chin strap keep it from falling off his head. He eased himself into the chair directly in front of him and waited. "You have my sympathies for the death of Captain Bernardo."

"He was, very brave and bold."

And foolish. Ismael Bernardo was the commanding officer of the fifth Pinowan Auxiliary battalion. The man had only achieved his position due to families wealth. And the boy had been so bold that he charged alone on horseback straight into a skirmish, only to be gunned down by a partisan marksman. "Foolish and bold is more like it," Diego said with a chuckle as he poured himself so wine from a bottle he kept under his desk.

"And he was still my captain sir," Juanito replied and nodded his head. He was careful to keep his voice polite, but a bit of edge crept up in the final word. As the General sipped his drink, he noted the hint of anger in the soldier's voice. He didn't press and couldn't really blame him for it. Of all the thirty thousand Pinowans within the auxiliaries, only a few dozen have ever reached the rank of captain, and fewer still reached any higher rank. The Lieutenant straightened. "Sir, if you do not mind me asking. Did you only ask me here to express sympathies for my commanding officer?"

Diego set his glass down and nodded. "I asked you here for a number of reasons. First and foremost, how did you fare in your latest orders?"

"The mission was completed, sir. All of the riches in the city have been cleared out. The money is now loaded onto the Philips Spear."

Diego nodded, feeling a smile tug underneath his mustache. His final orders were not part of the campaign, there was no strategic value in it, but a value in spite. Before leaving Santarca, he had the fifth Auxiliary battalion and raid the city treasury and take anything of worth before being forced to evacuate. Let the partisans have their city and island, but the lets them see how enjoyable it is without a peso to s[end. He almost wished that he could have seen the reaction of the people once he saw their faces once they opened the vault.

"And as for my second order of business. Lieutenant Ramos." He reached for the badge and held it up to him. "Or should I say, Captain Ramos."

The Pinowan was unable to speak as Diego smiled and placed the badge on his uniform. He realized his mouth was hanging open and quickly closed his jaw. "Sir?"

Diego stifle a chuckle. Suddenly he was back in the training camp with a young Pinowan recruit who barely even knew how to hold a musket. "You took command of the troops after your captain was hit, completed your mission and managed to continue operations. The Fifth is lucky to have a man like you in it Juanito, and even more fortunate to have you commanding them."

Juanito quickly returned the gesture. "I will serve as best I can."

I'm sure you will." His General said and patted him on the shoulder. "Now, why don't I show you some of the benefits of being an officer."

He turned at his heel and went back to his desk. Diego opened the drawer and dug around until he pulled out two rolls of cigars and handed one to the new Captain. “Made in the fields just outside of Santarca. Possibly the last Aterban cigars from there Madrilia will ever see.” He lit his cigar and placed it in his mouth. “A shame.”

Juanito was a bit more reluctant to do so, but eventually took the lighter and lit the stick and blew a puff of smoke, followed by a small coughing fit. “Not a smoking person sir.”

"It's not for everyone I suppose, but that's not the only thing I have to give you." Diego chuckled and he revealed out a black leather box, much bigger than a cigar case. He pulled open the case. Juanito's breath left his lips. He pulled the new gun out from its container and held it up in the air. "You like what you see?"

"I've never seen guns like these before?" He ran his finger across the strange new pistol. He spun the cylinder just behind the barrel around and watched it go. "New weapons?"

"Indeed Captain." Juanito shifted around, still not entirely sure how he felt about the promotion. Diego picked up the second pistol and cocked the hammer down. He pointed it forward and took aim at the wall. "Fresh from Falkenhayn Armories in Galdren. A new line of repeater weapons that they recently released. The cylinder here can spin around and hold six bullets before reloading."

He still was awed by the little contraption and let out a long whistle as he spun the cylinder where they kept the bullets around. Firing six rounds without reloading is something unheard of in musketry. This was a game changer in firearms. Diego said and Juanito set the gun back down into the case. "Their called revolvers captain."

"How many of these pistols have you gotten?" Juanito asked as he stared at Diego.

Two hundred. That was how many he was able to acquire. That out from the fifteen thousand he had proposed purchasing. For years now the General had tried to get the Provincial Government to accept his Modernization Plan in order to get his army into any kind of fighting shape. Most of his troops barely even knew how to fire a gun and half their money was taken by corrupt officials. These days, it was lucky if he could even get half of the schedules supplies.

Every time he had brought it up the Council had shut down it down for of want funds. But he did the mental math now with the funds he was able to get from the treasury, he know had the funds for his projects. "And as one of the Auxiliaries best sharpshooters," He flipped the gun until he was pointing it butte first towards the Captain. "You could use one of these."

He quickly muttered his thanks and placed the gun on his belt. "Sir, may I please return to my cabin and pack my things?"

He waved him away with a nod. Juanito saluted and turned at his heel before walking off. Once he was gone, Diego glanced out the window and caught a glimpse of the red brick and mortar buildings that dotted the city of New Trisos. A smile touched his face as he started to arrange his papers and pack it up. He placed them all in his bag and marched out to the main deck.

Soldiers had already started to gather around as Swift Maiden docked onto the nearest pier. Diego picked up a group of men standing in a column waiting for him. They were dressed in polished steel breastplates decorated with various badges and medals over cleanly pressed uniforms along with tricorn hats. They were armed with some of the few repeater rifles the Civil Guard had in its armory. Men of the Governmental Guard.

The sergeant of their group stepped forward and slammed his foot to the ground. "Sir," He and his men saluted towards the General as he descended from the ship. "My men and I were instructed to take you to the Palacio Magnifico immediately. It's on the orders of the Governor-General."

"Of course soldier."

The line of men moved apart to reveal a carriage ready and waiting for him. Diego quickly boarded and placed his briefcase on his lap as the driver spurred the horses into motion away from the port.


"Hoy gago, bilisan mo na!" Sergeant Emilio Roque shouted with his head shoved out of the Kalesa. In the intersection just in front of them was flooded with more than half a dozen Kalesa's trying to cross at once from different directions. Now they ended up got stuck together in a massive traffic jam. One of them managed to disentangle itself and galloped across the street parallel to theirs. As they passed, the driver gave a vulgar gesture towards the soldier.

Juanito chuckled as they disappeared down the road. A policeman appeared from a shop a piece of bread sticking out of his mouth. His eyes bulged out as if he just now realized what was happening and quickly started down the intersection to direct the traffic. He gestured on each lane and slowly started to clear the roads one by one. Emilio sighed and moved his head back into their little cabin. "Useless police, the only way they think is through their stomachs." He growled and spat on the street.

"Hindi naman lahat ng mga isip nila na sa  tiyan." The driver glanced back at us. A wry smile on his face as he moved his hand down and tugged at the crotch of his pants. The two soldiers laughed but saluted mockingly to the officer as they passed him. The officer growled at them and turned away. "Hindi na kayo nagsawa sa pag away sa Aterb?"

The captain looked at him solemnly. "Mag sawa sa pag away? Ano, susunod isa sabi mo na magsasawa sa paginom, o magasawa ng pagkanta."

The driver shook his head and ignored that, he turned his attention back to the road and continued to drive them back there as the officer finally signaled for them to pass. Juanito relaxed back onto the chair and looked around the street, smiling as he felt the scent of roasting meat from a nearby woman in her sari-sari store. The woman blew the smoke towards the road with a reed fan and shouted to the passerbys. "Bagong luto!"

The distant bronze bells of the Lady's Grace Cathedral rung back and forth for the afternoon mass. Pinowans walked onto the roads without a care of the carriages moving in their direction. From the low and stout buildings to the grand plazas. Even the traffic from the countless Kalesa drivers and the dogs and cats that roamed around gave it a unique taste. While foreigners from the Five liked to boast about their nation's culture and beauty, they lacked the rustic character that New Trisos possessed.

"Here we are." He said, tapping Emilio's shoulder. The man somehow managed to pass out on the five-minute trip and had a bit of drool on his lips. The sergeant grunted and gasped, looking around at the Kalesa and rubbed his head. He followed his commanding officer down and reached into his pocket and dropped a twenty Peso bill into the drivers waiting for hands. The Kalesa driver smiled and waved goodbye before returning back to the street. The two soldiers removed their Salakots, Emilio running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

The Captain glanced up at the sign above the building and smiled. It read Manang's Kusina.

The two men went inside and looked around at the canteen. Wholesome music played from the corner where a three-man band was playing with various instruments. Meanwhile the woman who was roasting the meat earlier entered with a tray of freshly cooked barbecue. Emilio was already looking around at the food being displayed outside while the cook was already taking his order and placing whatever he asks on a plate. I walked past him and patted him on the shoulder. "Kumuha ka ng mesa, mayroong tao gust ibibisita muna."

The soldier gave him a two fingered salute, already eyeing a plate with rice and pork with eggs and brown sauce. He walked into the kitchen which was a mess. Iron pots were in various states of rust while the walls looked scummy and the paint was already falling off, the floor was permanently darkened with dirt and grime, yet even with the door wide open no one seemed to care at the sight. Not as long as the food tasted like it did.

The kitchen had only a single chef working there, he was chopping strips of beef with a massive cleaver. The chef simply grunted and gave the Captain an absent wave of his hand as he was too focused on his work to greet him. Juanito returned the gesture and walked up the stairs to the side of the room, his boots squeaked softly against the loose floorboards. A single wooden door greeted him at the end, but before he even reached it a voice rang out. "Hoy Abunda, ibalik mo na yang plorera."

"Tabi-tabi," Juanito muttered softly as he knocked on the door.

The noise suddenly died down as he could almost feel the eyes staring at him from behind the doors. "Pasok." An elderly voice crooned softly.

He pushed the door open and found a pair of diminutive creatures blocking his path. They resembled humans, yet neither on reached any higher than his knee and were dressed in tattered trousers and vests. Despite their small size, they both sported long black beards that went down to their chests and overly large noses and feet. The one with a bright red nose held a vase in its hands. Juanito simply offered a polite bow before them. "Tabi-tabi."

In response, both creatures backed away to let him pass. "Abunda, Raffy, sino nandiyan?"

"Lola Lyda?" Juanito called out, his voice filled with nothing but wonder as he found himself a young boy again when he spotted the matronly woman sitting in her rickety rocking chair. Age had withered away what beauty the woman once had, leaving now an ancient lady with a sagging and wrinkled body and hair now as white as sugar, yet every bit of warmth remained as she lifted her head towards him.

"Maligayang pagbabalik Jaunito." She said softly and smiled at him.

The Captain didn't waste a single moment and ran over to her and pulled the old crone into a tight, but gentle embrace. "Lola."

She embraced him in return, digging her wrinkled fingers into his chest and started to stroke his back. Juanito opened his mouth yet he found it difficult to breathe as he was lost in the moment and simply enjoyed living in it. Eventually, they broke their hug and Lyda smiled at him. "Tapos na ba ang gera?"

He nodded. "Tapos na, lahat ng mga sundalo ay ipanauwi na."

"At gusto mo ang lumang kwarto mo?" She guessed and smirked slightly as she relaxed back onto her chair and rocked it a few times.

"Kung papayagan mo ako."

Lyda nodded and slowly started to get up, her legs trembling as she reached for her cane at the side of her chair. Juanito held her arm and placed another hand on her back to help balance her as she stood up. "Sige, pero alam mo naman ang lumang panukala natin." She shakily walked over to the trunk in front of her bed, each step was slow and small, her gnarled legs were barely enough to carry her. She opened the trunk and bent down and picked up a white apron now stained brown with oil and grease. "Kailangan ka magtrabaho dito at magtulong sa kantina. Payag ka ba?"

"Payag ako." He nodded in agreement.

The woman smiled and handed the apron with his free hand. "Sige, mag umpisa na tayo."

Snapping her fingers, the two Duwende scurried away into the kitchen and vanished. "Ang mga Duwende mo ba ay nagbibigay ng problema?" He asked and reached for his pistol. He had no intention of actually shooting them of course, but maybe frighten them a little bit. Lyda placed her hand on the barrel of the Captain's revolver and pushed it down. "Wag na, ang pagtuturo ng disciplina sa Duwenda ay parang pag nakaw sa walang pera, basta hindi sila nagagawa ng problema."

Nodding silently, he led her downstairs. Juanito was careful to help his Lola to the kitchen. The chef looked up from his food and quickly moved to help him guide her to one of the tables full of a variety of ingredients she had requested. They eased Lyda onto the chair where she started to reach for a bowl filled  its bellywith fish which she started to skin and gut with surprising deftness as she slides the knife around.

The chef turned to Juanito and handed the Captain a spoon and pointed at the food. He nodded and sat down, starting to serve the people who passed by. Most of the customers he recognized by face if not name, many of them being regulars to the place, a few were completely new though. The last one in the line was Emilio, the sergeant grinned and held his plate up proudly. "No charge for the Dinuguan?" He asked hopefully. "I am a regular here?"

Juanito chuckled held my hand out. "You wish. Twenty-five pesos."

He sighed and dug into his pocket and dropped the money into his waiting hands. In response, Juanito took his plate and started to put some Dinuguan on it before slathering some extra sauce. "Here." He handed the plate back to the grateful soldier.

Once he was gone, Juanito smiled and prepared for a busy day ahead. But it mattered little to him. He was home.


The trip to Palacio Magnifico was largely uneventful. The soldiers escorting General Legazpi hadn't uttered a single word except when giving or receiving orders. It wasn't surprising, these men were trained to act, not talk. He welcomed the silence and wasn't in the mood for any unnecessary conversation. Rubbing his eyes and feeling the eyebags there, Diego reached into his pocket and fished out his brass pocket watch from the pocket of his trousers and looked at the time. Half past one. He had been awake since six in the morning.

He tugged at the collar of his shirt and dabbed his skin with a white handkerchief. One thing he didn't miss about Pinowa was its ridiculous heat. Madrilia never experienced such temperature even in its summer months, not even Aterb was this hot this time of the year. "How long will it be until we reach the palace." He asked idly to the sergeant who sat directly opposite to him. He had his musket resting on the floor at his side. "About five minutes."

Five minutes. He sighed angrily and rested his head on his arm. That hardly is enough time to get some rest, the one time he actually wanted the traffic here its nowhere to be seen. The carriage continued to roll down the streets uncontested until it stood before a black iron fence with two more Governmental Guards waiting on either side with their muskets ready. One of them raised his hand and gestured to the driver for some identification.

The man nodded and handed a piece of folded paper to the soldier who quickly read it and nodded towards his friend to open the door. They slid the iron gate open for the carriage to pass along the perfectly even dirt to its name, the Palacio Magnifico was indeed magnificent. Even though it was only two stories high, it still stood out from the rest of the city. Two marble turrets flanked it on either side while a dozen columns were added and even more arched windows were in between them. The middle had an extra tier for the Governor-Generals office while the very top was adorned with the Madrilian flag. The right side of the area was fenced up and covered with a cloth as the construction of the newest wing was underway.

The driver leaped off and opened the door for him as he looked around. The guards dispersed around to their barracks save for the sergeant who simply pointed him to the main hall before leaving as well. As he passed the answering hall, his boots echoed loudly against the marble floors and took note of the giant sigil of the Madrilian Empire painted on the ground. A red eagle with a king's gold, jeweled scepter clutched diagonally on one wing and a golden sword that crisscrosses the scepter on the other.

"It's about time you got here." The Minister of Labor, Gonzalo Pinon said as he stood up from the couch in the side of the room and stood up. The minister was a reedy man with his chestnut hair carefully waxed and fixed to hide his balding scalp. He rolled up the paper he was reading and Diego caught a glimpse of the crossed mattocks over a sun. The symbol of the Federation of Equality, the only workers union in the colony. Gonzalo was reputed to be in the pocket of the Unions boss, one Bassilio Ibarra.

"What is going on here?"

Gonzalo had already started walking up the carpeted staircase. "An emergency meeting was called by the Governor-General."

"Did he say what it was about?"

"Nothing specific, just about the new budget that Lord Ignacio proposed for this year." Even though he knew the meeting was likely important Diego felt a pang of annoyance at the irrational idea that Ignacio had simply called the meeting at this time to deny him rest from his campaign. They turned right at the top of the stairs towards the Governor-General's officer.

More guards lined the hallway leading to the Governor-Generals meeting room. These men were armed with twelve-foot pikes instead of muskets. The walls were decorated with the portraits of all the past Governor-Generals. All dressed in pristine uniforms, all taken in the same office stone-faced faced and stoic. These were the men who tamed the wild lands of Pinowa and brought its natives out from their wooden huts to proper cities. He placed his hand on the first portrait. A gallant looking man with sharp cheekbones looked down at him. Orlando Ferdinand, the first Madrilian to reach this land. Back then they wore steel instead of cloth and carried halberds and longswords instead of muskets.

"Should I give you and Orlando a moment Diego?" Gonzalo asked quizzically as he already reached the end of the hall, one of the guards there had his hands on the doorknob to open the door for him.

Diego forced down his embarrassment and jogged after him as the guards pulled open the double oak doors. He took a deep breath as he prepared to venture into his next battle.
Second chapter and introducing our newest character. General Diego.

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© 2018 - 2024 Ironwarchiefwarsong
Comments8
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Alexavier870's avatar
When first reading this, I never really expected that this would be a Philippine-Revolution based story (I skipped to his chapter :p), so when I saw the Filipino lines, I was certainly shocked by it. 

In general (no pun intended) the flow of the story is understandable, however it's kind of lacking. Try suddenly quickening the pace of the story. Example is in the part where Juanito was promoted to captain, it was such a lackluster reveal that was supposed to be the banger of the story.

Original: "And as for my second order of business. Lieutenant Ramos." He reached for the badge and held it up to him. "Or should I say, Captain Ramos."


The Pinowan was unable to speak as Diego smiled and placed the badge on his uniform. He realized his mouth was hanging open and quickly closed his jaw. "Sir?"


Revised: "And as for my second order of business, Captain Ramos." 

Briefly, he held up the badge before placing in on his uniform. "Sir?" The Pinowan stood at awe, unable to comprehend the honor he has received.


I noticed that you would always describe things in detail, pointing out every single movement the character would make. Sometimes its nice to spice things up a bit, leave out details for the reader to imagine. It worked out so well on the opening part, describing how Diego is pissed at his situation, as he tries to write in the rocking ship. Personally slow and paces are best for scenery details, such as someone walking alone in solitude, watching the rain, two people talking about the weather. Quicker paces best suit revealing conversations, fight scenes, surprise.

Also another tip, italicize the words that aren't in English. It'll add a more foreign feel to the piece. Here's how to do it on deviantart  How to write in Italics and BoldTo do it in DA when you submit text, at the beginning of the sentence, if you want it in italics type < i > (without the spaces) and in the end of the sentence type < / i >(without the spaces.)
same goes for bold, just put "B" where the "I" is and without the spaces.
Super Human < i >Super Human< / i >
Super Human < b >Super Human< / b >
Also
Super Human < u >Super Human< / u >
  
Super Human < s >Super Human< / s >
Super Human < tt >Super Human < /tt >
Super Human < ul >Super Human < /ul >
Super Human < li >Super Human < /li >
Super Human < sub >Super Human< /sub >


Also a little bit of a suggestion as to add more impact to non-Filipino readers, add more description on what emotion the speaker is feeling as to help the reader make guesswork on what those words could possibly mean.

Original: "Hoy gago, bilisan mo na!" Sergeant Emilio Roque shouted with his head shoved out of the Kalesa.

Reviesd: "Hoy gago, bilisan mo na!" Sergeant Emilio Roque infuriatingly shouts, his head peering out of the Kalesa.

It really worked out well here though, the word agreement indicating that Payag somehow means agreeing to something.

"Payag ako." He nodded in agreement.

Another sidenote, I think to use this many filipino words in an English literature feels out of place. The swear words could pass, as someone swearin in their native language could indicate that someone is super pissed, thus giving more purpose to why it is in Filipino in the first place. Greetings, agreements, arguments could also be done in Filipino/Whatever foreign language is being used in the story.

There are quite some grammatical errors littered here and there, but I'm not gonna lest em as someone else already did. Hopefully I was of any help :)

Courtesy of :iconprojectcomment: